Some Things Are Worth Fighting For...

Ugh!  That moment when you NEED coffee, really need it, but the hubby just left for work and I've realized all to late that my hands are not working this morning.  They are completely stiff and achy!  The foil cover on the coffee creamer was created by Lucifer himself!  I can and do drink my coffee black, but I was craving creamer this morning!  I've had sick kiddos the last couple of days.  I've been surrounded by buggers, fevers, and poop and if I'm going to survive this day I NEED COFFEE WITH CREAMER!!!  I was willing to fight for it and fight I did!  Just as I was about to break down in tears, the heavens opened, the angels began to sing, and that devilish foil peeled off of the creamer container!  Maybe I'm being slightly dramatic, but it was a moment worth celebrating!

Catastrophe averted!  But, speaking of things worth fighting for... I had decided I wanted to be medication free when I went to Mayo in a couple of weeks.  I'm not taking many meds right now.  Just a Zyrtec and Zantac every morning so I thought it would be no big deal.  I was wrong!  Apparently those little pills are helping more than I realized.  I tried to skip them yesterday and by noon I felt so crummy that I had to take them.  I was shaking, had a headache, and was so nauseous I couldn't eat!  So, now I have a decision.  I've talked before about how great I am with decisions!  Ha! 

I was really hoping to be completely off all medications so the tests at Mayo reflected how my body is really acting on its own.  If I only had a two  hour car drive to get to Mayo, I would suffer through, stop the meds, and deal with the consequences.  That's not the case, though.  We're flying.  Those who know me, realize what a basket case I can be on an airplane.  It probably didn't help that the first time I ever flew, an older lady sitting next to me mentioned her worry that the landing gear wouldn't fully lock in place just as we were landing.  Gee, thanks for putting that thought in my head!  So, my stomach is usually a bit knotted up when I need to travel.  I don't need to add nausea from stopping my "cocktail" as I call it!  It's not so much myself that I worry about, as the other travelers around me.  I'm sure they would rather I didn't share my morning breakfast with them.  Not to mention the hassle of an emergency landing if I tried to jump out of my seat to make it to the delightful airplane restroom and subsequently pass out, hitting my head on the arm-rest of the poor business man next to me.  Hypothetically of course!  By the way, I don't think of myself as a pessimist.  More a realist with a worriers perspective!

So, I'll go drink my lovely cup of coffee and mull it over.  To med or not to med.  Wish me luck!

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."  John 3:16-17

Amy 

Ah Decisions...

Decisions, decisions... Life is full of them!  If you're a member of my family, you're not good at making them.  Deciding where to eat can be an hour long process filled with "I don't care" and "Whatever you want."  On a vacation to Charleston, SC we literally walked up and down a street for nearly an hour because no one would make the final call on which restaurant to try.  Needless to say, decision making is not something that comes easy to me.  I have a hard time being assertive and spend too much time worrying about the "what ifs".

I mentioned in my last post that my hubby was going to be spending an evening with a group of our college friends.  I so wanted to go but with my current health, I knew I would pay for it later.  Let the decision making begin.  Mental health versus physical health.  For once in my life, I can say this wasn't a very hard decision.  Mental health won!  If I didn't get out of our house soon, I was going to lose my mind!  I didn't stay out late and was only out of the house for a couple of hours but it made all the difference.  Yesterday, I felt like a truck had hit me.  I was so exhausted I could hardly keep my eyes open, but my heart was happy!  Sometimes, it's completely worth going through a little physical misery just to heal the heart.

If you live with a chronic illness, you understand the battle between mental health versus physical health.  It is a constant one.  Trying to find a balance between feeling well and actually living your life is exasperating to say the least.  Most of the time, I choose my physical health.  Life is much easier if I stick to my routine.  It is crucial that I keep myself feeling well enough to care for my two young daughters.  However, every once in a while it is necessary to chance feeling like crap so that I don't go stir crazy!  I love my girls and I like to think I'm a pretty good mom, but even I can only take cartoons, potty training, bottle making, and poopy diaper changing for so long!

So today, I'm still tired but also so refreshed!  I'm exhausted but have a new energy for life.  I think I made the right decision!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5-6

Amy