Rollercoaster of Emotions...

Apparently my body didn't get the memo about me being a princess.  This week has been miserable and it's my birthday week.  Yes, I take an entire week for my birthday.  I am a princess after all!  Some of it is probably my fault.  I did clean and scrub cupboards yesterday.  As an almost 27 year old, I feel I should be able to do tasks like these.  As a POTSie, I should know better.  As a result, I was awake most of the night with head pressure, vertigo, tachycardia, and some intense burning in my stomach.  These days it seems if my POTS acts up, so does my stomach.  On a positive note, my blood pressure was nearly perfect!  Hooray for that!

Enter emotions... I'm excited and terrified for this trip to Mayo.  I'm excited at the thought of getting answers and hopefully help.  I'm terrified of what the answers might be or worse that I still won't have answers.  I'm trying to prepare myself for all of the possibilities.  I know there isn't going to be a magic pill that makes me feel like a new person over night.  I'm terrified of what diagnoses I might get.  I know that's silly, but for some reason putting a label on the issue makes it that much more real.  I'm even more terrified that I'll hear those dreaded words, "Everything looks fine."  I doubt that will happen, but I've heard those words too many times.  I think it's a weird experience for doctors when they give a patient what they view as good news and that patient bursts into tears.  How can every test look fine when I feel so close to death?

OK, time to push those nasty thoughts back into the dark hole where they belong.  I'm finally getting the help I so desperately need!  Plus a little trip with my husband!  And, it's my birthday week!  Another year older, another year bolder!  What a year it was!  This time last year, I was announcing to the world that I was having another baby!  Life does not get any better than that moment when you first hold your child!  It sometimes amazes me when I think of how quickly life can change.  I went from that amazing moment when my daughter was born in September, to honestly feeling like my body was shutting down in December.  I spent Christmas Day praying and wondering if I would have to get a feeding tube.  I hadn't been able to eat any solid food for weeks.  I've come so far since that day.  I have major setbacks (like this week), but it's still nowhere near where I was Christmas Day.  I'm extremely hopeful that with some help, my body will get back to "my normal" in no time!  Maybe I'll even feel better than I've felt in years.  A girl can dream right?!  This next year is going to be a good one.  I have so many things to look forward to and I can't wait to see what 27 has in store for me!  Hopefully more ups than downs! 

"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."  Romans 10:13

Amy

I've Figured It Out!

The last couple of days have gone backwards for me.  This strange pressure feeling in my head has become more intense, resulting in my ears ringing louder.  It's not so much a sinus issue.  It feels like I have too much fluid around my brain or something.  Sometimes the pressure is behind my eyes, sometimes deep in my ears, sometimes at the base of my head, and sometimes in my forehead.  It's uncomfortable to say the least.  I also get some vertigo as the pressure builds.  I've also been waking in the night with tachycardia.  I'll be sound asleep and wake abruptly soaked in sweat and with a heart that's trying to escape my chest.  I'm trying to push through and am convinced things will calm down again, rather than get worse. 

These "down" times can be more difficult mentally than they are physically.  I often start to ask God what he's trying to tell me.  I'm a firm believer in the fact that we all go through experiences in life for a reason.  There is a reason God decided I should live with a chronic illness.  Well, yesterday I figured it out!

My life with a chronic illness would be perfect if I had a maid, cook, nanny, chauffeur, assistant, etc.  God must be calling me to be a celebrity... or perhaps a princess.  Definitely a princess.  Gosh, I'm slow!  All this time I thought it had to do with suffering on Earth to earn a lovelier place in Heaven.  Nope!  I was just born to be a princess!  Ha!  So, if anyone needs me, I'll be sitting on my Royal Couch with my Royal Coffee waiting for my Royal Entourage.  They better get here fast, my house is a disaster!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11   

Princess Amy

The ABC's of PVC's...

                            

Image from Wikipedia.

Everyone gets them at some point in their life.  That yucky flip-flop feeling in your chest.  I can only describe it as a sensation that your heart forgot to beat or maybe it decided to beat a little too hard.  It's uncomfortable and can take your breath away or make you cough.  If you're like me, it brings with it a little anxiety.  Either there's a fish flopping around in my chest or I'm possibly having a heart attack and about to die.

These are called Premature Ventricular Contractions or PVC's.  They occur when the lower portion of your heart begins to contract before it is completely filled with blood.  Normally, the sinus node in your heart sends an electrical signal to tell the heart when to contract, but sometimes those lower chambers get a little anxious and decide to contract on their own too early.  It's kind of like if the drummer in a band suddenly played a few beats really fast.  It would throw off the rhythm of the entire band.  The lower chambers contract too quickly and it disrupts the rhythm of the rest of the heart, causing the flip-flop sensation. 

I get these quite frequently and I've gotten more used to them.  Then I have days like Monday.  I had six of these nasty things in one day.  I'm sure there are people who've had more, but it started to make me rather panicky.  I can handle one or two a week, but six in a day is a bit much.  I was starting to get slightly worried that my "drummer" was really starting to act out and wanting to be a solo performer.  I'd much rather he just stick to the band.  He must have agreed because I haven't had one of these since.

On a side note, if you ever have six of these in one day you should probably go to the doctor.  I know I sound like a hypocrite now and I'm sure I'll get some grief for not going.  It was cold on Monday!  Who wants to go out in the cold?  OK, probably not funny but I am glad things seem to be back to normal now.  I should add that nearly everyone experiences a PVC at some point in their life.  For normal, healthy people they are nothing to worry about.  Not dangerous at all, just uncomfortable.  However, if you have a heart condition or experience flip-flops frequently, you should probably get it checked out.  No worries, I plan on mentioning this to Dr. Goodman when I go to Mayo!  Hopefully, my drummer behaves until then!

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee." Psalm 56:3

Amy